Leaving You

She gave up. She gave up on trying, she gave up on believing. She tried to defy the time to no avail because of you. Little that you know she almost sacrifice herself, her life just to defy the odds. The odds that is actually a bitter reality that she had to face but you portrayed it in such way that she saw that as an opportunity not to be missed. You gave her false hope, you diverted her from her original destination, path, whatever you called it. Did she deserved that? She just need a simple answer to clarify. That is it. A simple “no” from you and she’ll move on. She’s not stupid enough to stay after the clarification and you knew that too well. You just need someone to adore you, someone that likes you more than you like them. You promised her empty promises. You promised her things that you don’t have intention on fulfilling it. You don’t care whether she’s hurt or not, you just want a self-satisfaction. She trusted you just like how she believes that everything is made for reasons. She tried her best to impress you so that you’ll look at her as a real person. She knew her place too well but she wanted to defy the odds so badly that she tried and tried and tried until she was at the peak of her limitation. She thought that some things are meant to be infinity but she was wrong and she learnt it in the hard way. Everything has a limit. Humans are limited to years, foods are limited to their expiry dates and so on. She knew something was amiss but she was afraid if she was wrong. Thus, she endured her insecurities, her disappointment, her annoyance, and everything to herself. She thought she was strong enough until one day she was pinned at her own limitations. She was scared to make decisions, she was scared to move on, she was scared to leave you behind but she knew that is for the best. She had finally realized that you don’t need her. You just want to have a short-term fun where she wanted a long-term ally, comrade, someone that she can shares everything. In the end, she left. She left because her mind told her to do so although her heart rebelled viciously. She realized that if she stays, she’ll not be happy and finally she’ll lost herself. She knows at the end of the day, the only precious thing that is left is herself and if she sacrifices herself now, she’ll regret it for the rest of her life.

JINN

Heaven and Hell

Have you ever wonder why do you live? Have you ever be curious about the reasons? I believe that everyone has different reasons of living. We are humans and we exist to complete each other’s need. At least that is what I believed in. For today’s blog, honestly I don’t have any specific title and this is just my random thoughts as I have been not really in my excited state. I believe in YOLO(You only live once) but there’s more which I longed ago came up with which is YOLOH(You only live once here). I appreciate every single day of my existence truthfully. I thanked God for the continuous blessing that I gain every day. I thanked God for an awesome life that I have currently. To sum up, I am thankful for being alive as human. 

Of course, there are days when I’m just so tired of living that I just want to sleep for the longest time but I’m scared of the unknown, infinity. Some people asked about the existence of heaven and hell. I’m pretty conservative about this topic actually since I believe in both ever since I was a kid. I didn’t doubt those existence maybe due to my religious background. I am neither pious person nor religious. You might wonder if I am not that religious, how can I believe in those unseen places? The reason is quite simple, I have a faith about it. I believe that once I die, there’s more to it. There’s more to than just turn into tiny airs, there’s more than just end of the story like drama or movies you seen on TV. 

We come from an unknown infinity and so we are going back to the infinity. Life is self is a form of probability. There’s always 50% chance to turn into that or and another 50% chance to turn into this. The same goes to afterlife. There’s 50% chance that heaven and hell exist and 50% chance that heaven and hell do not exist. I 100% believe that heaven and hell exist. How can you 100% believe that those two exist when you said earlier that 50% of yes and 50% of no? The reason is quite simple. We are humans and we interpret things differently in different ways. That is merely a general percentage. The percentage varies according to people.

HOW I CAME UP WITH 100% of faith about heaven and hell?

1. 50%-religious faith

2. 50%-My logical thinking

             1. I believe that all my good deeds are counted

             2. If it is possible for me to live in this life, why is it impossible to have another dimension of                  life?

If at the end of the day those actually didn’t exist, that’s fine because I have tried to live my life decently and tried to do good things to others. People are disappointing but at the same time are interesting. Also sinned in a lot of ways including me.

So.. that is my random thoughts of the day. I’m just so broken currently but don’t worry I’m far from committing suicide because I’m a life treasurer and a life-getter. If you are reading this with broken feelings, don’t worry you are not alone. Trust me, good things will happen to you soon. It’s just a matter of time. J