Anomaly

The world I lived in now is not the world I used to live. The world I believed a better place for me to express my belief is not the world of freedom anymore. Yes,my opinion, my stand, my point of view is different. The reality of world I'm living in right now where people like me are incrementally decreasing and soon will become minority. I'm not saying that I'm perfect or anything y know. This time, everything is just too hard to put things into words. Words have its limitation. What I'm going to say is beyond it. This time, I let it pass. How irony I feel a pang of suffocation in this so called 'wide' world. How irony cliché is better than straight to the point. l don't see the right when the society said it's morally and 'naturally' right. I don't see the wrong when the society said it's not okay. Easy to say, I don't wish to become a society wagon. I don't want this people to change for what I am, for what I believe, for what I stand. Maybe I should define myself as a thinking person who overdo it most of the time. Rationality and logic are not the ultimate benchmark I would say. My stand is the Word of God is the ultimate benchmark. I wouldn't define myself as a religious, devoted, or pious person but I have something that is holding me back. Something that hold me back from falling into the black holes. Something to turn to when life seems hard to breathe and live in. I have nothing against human right as long as it does not contradict with what I believe. People nowadays are lack of respect. I don't see the point of labelling someone just because they have different point of view. Sometimes all we need is to shut up and listen instead of rebutting and opposing endlessly. The world will become much better if everyone just respect each other and stop the act of labelling. Instead of saying I'm alkaline or acidic, I'm much more comfortable being a neutral being. The judgement day will come and that day you are on your own. Think twice before you leap and don't mourn over spilled milk. You carve your way. Hence, you taste your own meds.

oldie

He used to be a strong and a wise man. How could I forget how he used to be back in the old days? People just change. Everything change. Your age is increasing. Just no matter how you try to ignore it, its an inevitable thing. I just realized when we are busy growing up, we don't realize some people are getting old. Your grandparents are getting old, your parents are getting old. To think how much I have contributed to them, well I will say its a tough question because honestly I have done nothing. Don't ask what the country has done for you, ask yourself what you have done for your country. This very wise words could be the anology between us and old people. Taking care of old people are challenging I will say. It takes patience, endurance and definitely time when dealing with them. We tend to lose patience when dealing with them. They are cranky, picky and sensitive but that just how they are. We as youths should understand and help them as much as we could. In the end, they are just too old, too tired to deal with us. They used to hear, listen, maybe try to understand us when we were very young. They have loved us unconditionally albeit we are two different generations. That just don't stop them from loving us. It's just not fair if its a commensalism interaction, it's supposed to be mutualism because we are dependant on each other. Without old people who used to be young, there'll be no youths. Be grateful of what you have, give more expect less. Learn the life values because those values are much more prominent that individualistic values that you learn in school. I didn't say individualistic values are bad but everything that we consume too much will be bad for us in a long run. I'm lucky, very lucky to see bigger layer of this life. I might be too young but as they say age is just a number. Sometimes all you need is someone to listen to you even just for the stupidest and the lousiest thing. I have one. A very kind and a gentleman. I think he's tired of me now but he just doesn't say it. He replied just for the sake of replied. Sigh. Maybe I should just stop budging him. Just maybe.

Just another shattered glass

My brain satellite says all. You are gone. Gone from the circles I have made. I should have known earlier. Nobody could handle me well. I'm like a francium, too strong to hold, too dangerous to keep, too much to bear. I want to cry so badly right now to mourn every pathetic thing around me but somehow just tired to do so. My heart said let go everything that budge my mind but my brain said hold them, you are strong enough to bear this shit. Why? Why can't I own something that I wish to have? Why did people decline me? Am I really a kind of contagious disease that need to be disposed? Why? Why can't I just have a friend that I wish to have? Why couldn't you be my friend? why is it always me who starts the conversation? is it because we are just way too different? Is it because we have contradict opinion about particular topic? Why can't people accept me the way I am? The way I think? The way I act? Why do I have to follow y all? Don't I have myself? Don't I own myself? I'm freaking sick. Some people said, leave the people that don't wish you to be their friend. I just realized. It's easier to say than done. I kinda regret that I like you. I regret I give advice to people when the fact that I couldn't help myself. Maybe I should just shut up and help myself. Just maybe. Dear A, I wish you hear me out. I wish you care more, I wish we could be nice friend. Not a best friend. Just a nice friend. I need your help but I'm afraid to say so. I hope you realize that but it comes to me like a bulb popping out of your brain that You Don't Care. It's just me. I did the circle without you. I erase the circle without you. I decorate the circle without you. Its just me. We are never together. I'm in my own world. I lived in my own fantasies and now i'm paying the price to get out of it. I wish things don't be this complicated. To be honest, I think my heart cracks, waiting to fell off slowly as shattered glass. I'm gonna be okay. I'm okay. I'm always okay because I'm a good pretender and actress. Actresses always know how to fix themselves because they could.