Thoughts

It is just crazy how the world has changed nowadays or I'm the only who just realize it. How crazy ones religion is being blamed for most of the attacks, terrorisms, sexism, and the list go on. It dawned on me that some irresponsible group of people is trying to portray to the world how bad this one particular religion is when the fact that it is freaking not true. As I am growing up, I could feel how screwed up this world is. People nowadays are so busy talking about self-love, acceptance regarding sex orientation, freedom to do this and that, equality and etc. Okay, I'm not saying that it is unimportant but for God's sake, there are some parts of the world that can't even have clean waters and quality food or even safe shelter to live in. We close our eyes, put headphone on the head, and shut our mouth when it comes about this basic need crisis. Do you know what's wrong with the people nowadays? They just simply don't care. They are simply too busy with themselves and it's always about themselves. How unjust and f****ed up our medias. They emphasize things that are just simply a bunch of trash and rubbish. 100 people died in Paris and the medias show it again, again and again. When it comes about hundreds of people died in Palestine everyday, do the medias
post it again, again and again or do they fight for Palestine's freedom by posting how cruel Israel soldiers killing innocent Palestinian people? I just simply lost faith in medias. You can read them, but you have to think 100 times whether it is true or not.

He

He used to be that innocent boy you had annoyed. He used to be the clueless boy you got tired of. He used to be the pathetic boy you found in the class. How life works in just simply various mysterious ways. You met him again one day. He has returned and this time for real. You wondered and thought how he has changed and that he was not like you had always reminded of. You judged him by saying that he has turned differently and that you have always prefers the young, innocent, clueless, pathetic boy he used to be. He has learned the lesson. He has every rights to change because he just realize he has the power to do so and now, the new him is the real him. He does not need your point of view or anything because he has his owns. He's a matured guy now and note to you: everyone changes include you.

She

she has learned it the hard way. Every of her pathetic attempts were to no avail. Undaunted, she tried again and again. She waited. She pondered. And yet she always failed. She was a bright creature with bright eyes rich of hopes and unfulfilled dreams. She has always taken things positively. Everything. But one day, everything just simply change. She begin to realize life isn't always about positive vibes and good people. People, human, they betray each other, she concludes. She does not need to explain why she behaves that way. they should know why. She's just another product of the society. And just another dust that will be simply gone when blown by the powerful wind.

Freedom

sometimes I wonder if it's a right thing to do by hurting someone's feeling in order to gain self satisfaction. Is it okay to say anything that we want even we know what we are going to say is going to hurt someone's feeling so badly? I wonder how the freedom of speech or freedom of thought really works. If we say something provocative, is it okay? because hey, we have the rights to speech freely or we have freedom to convey our thought. Is freedom of speech 100% free? Does that mean we can mock anyone or insult them freely? I don't know. For me personally, even though we have rights to speak whatever thing or topic we want, I just don't think that insulting people in the social media is a great idea. The person who insults others using social media are coward because they beat around the bushes instead of straight to the point. Why would you upload something that will make people enrage and expect them not to react anything? seriously? It's a basic common sense my dear.If you put fuels on the fire it will burn more and more. It's the same thing like you tweet or share or upload something provocative, you should realize or at least take into account the aftermath of it. My dear, grow up. We are not a kid anymore. Stop acting childishly and reflect yourself. Sometimes when we are busy trying to find others flaws, we don't realize that we are actually the flaws. Okay, you might say "How am I supposed to express my anger?". Well I say we live in the community world. No man's in island themselves and we are highly depending on each other. Respect. Don't you think your act is very self-centered? selfish? This world is not just about you, you and you or me, me, and me. Sometimes we just have to give in and let things ago. The one of ultimate happiness is when there is no anger in you and you have already forgive others. I know it's easier said than done but changes do not simply occur overnight, it must be done gradually and continuously. May peace within you.

Peculiarities

The life that I want to might be different from others. Well, everyone is different and they might change as the time passes by. I define myself as the unicorn of my society. I tend to walk against the route, think different from others, live my life different from others. The path that I'm going to take might not be an ideal way for some people because its against the norms. I am a vocal person. Older generations can't expect us younger generations to act like them, to be like them. Instead of snapping us off because we are "too young", they should teach us how to speak out/ voice our opinion in a very courteous way without hurting others. They should take into account our opinion and welfare as well because we are the one who's going to inherit the country. Experience are not counted by how old you are, how rich you are but how you lead your life. We lead a different way of life, we think differently. People should respect others opinion. For me personally, there is no right or wrong with the opinion. That's what they believe, respect them. Humans have choice, that differs us from other creature. We can define what is wrong and what is right which is one of the valuable gift from God to us. We are special in our very own way, just like our thumbprint. Let the people believe what they want to believe, our job is to be nice to them. In this context, be nice does not mean you must agree with them, be nice here means treat them nicely regardless of skin colour, race, belief and religion. Everyone deserves happiness, choice, opportunity and path. The perception of "religion makes humanity in chaos" is not quite right. Religions promote peace and kindness. If that person follows her/his religion totally, I don't think that person would let herself/himself into the dungeon of destructions. Yes, religion might be limiting you from doing few things but think the good side of it. Why the religion forbids this and that? Think about it. Just like things, every single thing has its creator. The world cannot exist by itself just like human creating itself. If it's true humans create themselves, why they cannot live forever? Why humans cannot cure by themselves when they have cancer? The answer is simple. There is something far far powerful than human or other living things, that is our Creator. Believe me, if you try to find Him, He will give path for you. The religion extremists do not define ones religion. Let the peace within you.

Enough is Enough

I against any form of violence. Why do we need to take physical actions in our hand when we already have the legislation? What's the point of the existence of legislation if people couldn't follow it? Yes, the legislation we have is imperfect, flaws but what do you expect from the man-made creation? Just because you are in the right side, it doesn't mean that you should hit others or carry out any form of violence. THAT'S NOT RIGHT! You represent your religion, your nation. Our religion had ENOUGH of this! Don't you see? They would look at us as the nation who support violence, who carry out violence, who love to take action in our own hand, etc. You should be the role model, not the wreck model. Stealing, gangsterism,cheating,fighting,racism are wrong regardless of the reasons. Your intention does not legalise your action. Think before you leap because every time you leap, you will affect others. Enough is enough. People make mistake, but the mistake you have done does not give you license to continue to do the mistake. Mistakes have been done. Learn from them. You'll be a better person the next time.

Liveliness

I cut my hair today. Those long and restless hairs are no longer useful to me. I felt like a new born person again. It felt like something heavy on your hair just dropped off as you cut them. Those long hairs, I would say I love them, so much. God knows how much I loved them. But then, they are like poisons in the sugar, rivers hoarding treasures. Too many sweet and bitter memories stuck there. Those hairs made me realize just how long I had survived since the 'tough' year. Those hairs were holding me back, haunting me like an unstoppable moving film strip, flashing every single thing I have done in the past. I'm a new person now. Those duration had come to its inevitable end. I'm stepping to a new phase. I'm not looking back. People called it turn into a new leaf but I called it stepping into a new phase of life. Dear past, thank you. You taught me a lot and you made me for what I am now. Yes, I won't deny I have lots and lots of regrets in this life even though I wish I don't regret them. Those were glitters on my drawing. I took them as experience. They were like something precious, much more precious then gold and diamond, they were priceless. You might have Infinity dollars but you can't buy experience. Money, they are prominent part in our life but nevertheless they can't buy few things. They can't buy real friend, dead soul, experience, gentle touch from the parents, etc. Dear future, for now you are like a bright flash that I couldn't see what is inside. You are uncertain, you are anonymous. What ever it is, please be nice to me. I want to be happy and live my life like I'm supposed to. I'm tired with the man-made system, people's ignorance, wild people, rude people, intolerant people, pointless doctrine,etc. Dear present, let's be patient. You'll indulge a cup of ice-cream later. Don't break down now. We have come this far and I know those bumpy and frictional roads has its final ends unless the path is in the circle shape. Nope, if the road is in the circle shape, don't take it. You'll end up living wearing a masquerade. life isn't just about being free. what's the point of being totally free when your soul are aching for the simple answer and truth? Who creates us? Why are we here? In the end, we are never really free.

Anomaly

The world I lived in now is not the world I used to live. The world I believed a better place for me to express my belief is not the world of freedom anymore. Yes,my opinion, my stand, my point of view is different. The reality of world I'm living in right now where people like me are incrementally decreasing and soon will become minority. I'm not saying that I'm perfect or anything y know. This time, everything is just too hard to put things into words. Words have its limitation. What I'm going to say is beyond it. This time, I let it pass. How irony I feel a pang of suffocation in this so called 'wide' world. How irony cliché is better than straight to the point. l don't see the right when the society said it's morally and 'naturally' right. I don't see the wrong when the society said it's not okay. Easy to say, I don't wish to become a society wagon. I don't want this people to change for what I am, for what I believe, for what I stand. Maybe I should define myself as a thinking person who overdo it most of the time. Rationality and logic are not the ultimate benchmark I would say. My stand is the Word of God is the ultimate benchmark. I wouldn't define myself as a religious, devoted, or pious person but I have something that is holding me back. Something that hold me back from falling into the black holes. Something to turn to when life seems hard to breathe and live in. I have nothing against human right as long as it does not contradict with what I believe. People nowadays are lack of respect. I don't see the point of labelling someone just because they have different point of view. Sometimes all we need is to shut up and listen instead of rebutting and opposing endlessly. The world will become much better if everyone just respect each other and stop the act of labelling. Instead of saying I'm alkaline or acidic, I'm much more comfortable being a neutral being. The judgement day will come and that day you are on your own. Think twice before you leap and don't mourn over spilled milk. You carve your way. Hence, you taste your own meds.

oldie

He used to be a strong and a wise man. How could I forget how he used to be back in the old days? People just change. Everything change. Your age is increasing. Just no matter how you try to ignore it, its an inevitable thing. I just realized when we are busy growing up, we don't realize some people are getting old. Your grandparents are getting old, your parents are getting old. To think how much I have contributed to them, well I will say its a tough question because honestly I have done nothing. Don't ask what the country has done for you, ask yourself what you have done for your country. This very wise words could be the anology between us and old people. Taking care of old people are challenging I will say. It takes patience, endurance and definitely time when dealing with them. We tend to lose patience when dealing with them. They are cranky, picky and sensitive but that just how they are. We as youths should understand and help them as much as we could. In the end, they are just too old, too tired to deal with us. They used to hear, listen, maybe try to understand us when we were very young. They have loved us unconditionally albeit we are two different generations. That just don't stop them from loving us. It's just not fair if its a commensalism interaction, it's supposed to be mutualism because we are dependant on each other. Without old people who used to be young, there'll be no youths. Be grateful of what you have, give more expect less. Learn the life values because those values are much more prominent that individualistic values that you learn in school. I didn't say individualistic values are bad but everything that we consume too much will be bad for us in a long run. I'm lucky, very lucky to see bigger layer of this life. I might be too young but as they say age is just a number. Sometimes all you need is someone to listen to you even just for the stupidest and the lousiest thing. I have one. A very kind and a gentleman. I think he's tired of me now but he just doesn't say it. He replied just for the sake of replied. Sigh. Maybe I should just stop budging him. Just maybe.

Just another shattered glass

My brain satellite says all. You are gone. Gone from the circles I have made. I should have known earlier. Nobody could handle me well. I'm like a francium, too strong to hold, too dangerous to keep, too much to bear. I want to cry so badly right now to mourn every pathetic thing around me but somehow just tired to do so. My heart said let go everything that budge my mind but my brain said hold them, you are strong enough to bear this shit. Why? Why can't I own something that I wish to have? Why did people decline me? Am I really a kind of contagious disease that need to be disposed? Why? Why can't I just have a friend that I wish to have? Why couldn't you be my friend? why is it always me who starts the conversation? is it because we are just way too different? Is it because we have contradict opinion about particular topic? Why can't people accept me the way I am? The way I think? The way I act? Why do I have to follow y all? Don't I have myself? Don't I own myself? I'm freaking sick. Some people said, leave the people that don't wish you to be their friend. I just realized. It's easier to say than done. I kinda regret that I like you. I regret I give advice to people when the fact that I couldn't help myself. Maybe I should just shut up and help myself. Just maybe. Dear A, I wish you hear me out. I wish you care more, I wish we could be nice friend. Not a best friend. Just a nice friend. I need your help but I'm afraid to say so. I hope you realize that but it comes to me like a bulb popping out of your brain that You Don't Care. It's just me. I did the circle without you. I erase the circle without you. I decorate the circle without you. Its just me. We are never together. I'm in my own world. I lived in my own fantasies and now i'm paying the price to get out of it. I wish things don't be this complicated. To be honest, I think my heart cracks, waiting to fell off slowly as shattered glass. I'm gonna be okay. I'm okay. I'm always okay because I'm a good pretender and actress. Actresses always know how to fix themselves because they could.

Detonation

somehow you did a break in an unwritten virtual tension walls between us. Thanks though. I mean I wish to know more about you or what has happened to you but I know there's a boundary line between us that each one of just don't wish to cross it. I respect your decision, your rights as always. Just to let you know, I have never ignore you. I just felt unwanted and being ignored. When there is insecurity on the line, I choose the safe way that is to say nothing. Let the time do their jobs. I just go with the flow. where ever the tides bring me, I'll go there. I wish to flow away against the tide but I realized I just don't have guts to do so. For now, I'm just too weak to do it but I know sooner or later I'll be among the people who flow away against the tide. For me the life that I have now is already good enough for me. I mean what else should I ask? Despite of having some internal problems most probably from myself, I am served with good foods. Life might not be okay sometimes but remember we are just lucky or I'm just lucky. I hold this one phrase "eat well, live well" so whenever you feel at lose you go find food. well to be honest it might not be a good escapism because you intend to obese yourself but sometimes all you need is something to indulge, something nice that you can have it, maybe ice cream. I don't consume alcohol or wine or anything that has the same meaning with them so food is my target. But sometimes when we are just too sad or depressed that just won't work. That time, turn to someone that you really believe and burst out. If you don't have that 'someone' then 'something' would be okay. Just like me, I felt better writing this. Let go everything you have in your mind and at the same time being unknown. I guess my confession part has reached to an end, I shall continue later but this drama part ends here.


JINN

Towards South 3

Day 3 since the last we talked. The only escapism I have right now is to stress out myself. In that very harsh way, I'll forget you. How complex this life works. one point we thought everything's going to be simple but in the other point everything is just too much. The feeling of longing has faded living only some small scars which can be cured over the time. Sometimes I wonder what am I to you whether I'm just another passer by in your life or am I the change to your life? Honestly the second one might be too mainstream. I need to accept that from now on I have to move on, continue this life without the presence of you just like how I begin my life. Nobody stays long in my life except for my lovely parents who loves me unconditionally. Yes, we fight often. We argues but that usually won't last long. At the moment, everything is just too numb and too much for me. I felt nothing except for emptiness and dizziness. Honestly I don't know how we get to this point that we just simply ignore each other. Maybe we are just too busy with ourselves that we forget the counterpart. Just maybe you know. I wish you would start the conversation. I'm tired of being the starter. Why does it always me? Is it because you think that I could absorb everything like a sponge and retains its normal shape? Then, if you ever think that way I guess you are wrong. Note that I'm a human too. I cried. I feel moody. I feel lonely. Despite those dark side, I have my own bright side too. I smiled. I laughed. I'm cheerful. The me that you met for the previous weeks was the bright side of me. You are just lucky. Way too lucky.

JINN

Towards South 2

Those days are gone living only empty messages and the feeling of longing. I somehow understood where are we heading to. If that's the best for us it's okay. We have never start anything so I guess there's nothing to end about. Sometimes I wonder where I stand in the eye of you just as you are standing highly in front of me. This is the last day I'm longing for you. Just like you think there's nothing to end about when we never start anything with. We are like a different molecule, we collide each other and separate. We are ineffective collision. I'm not going to say sorry again because every of my sorry is just another word uttered by me to you when I really means it. I respect you as someone that is unique. See you again.

JINN

Towards South 1

I dreamt of something that I couldn't be. I'm being a hypocrite here. Nevertheless, ignore me. I'll be fine. Just like what I told you, I'm a kind of a person who you can throw and pick up as you like. You chase me out, I'll go. You invited me in, I'll come back. As bitter as the taste of meds, it's more bitter to walk with you. Maybe we are just not meant to be. You know my secret, I know yours. Does that ever change anything? In the very end, one of us will walk either one of us life leaving only a treasure of memories that only this one particular person can open and understand it. Our friendship is complex. Just like how it begins and how we get along each other. I adore you like a chocolate fountain in the candy shop. You are sweet. You are caring albeit a little bit straightforward. That's just you.
Eventually, I was sorta drawn into you in a very unthinkable way. I hate to admit this but just like what you said maybe just maybe that love is just hard to find? My life is colourful and wonderful. People wow about my life thinking just how lucky I am. I must admit I'm lucky but despite being lucky, I have my own dirty laundries and struggles. I'm only 17 but i'm blessed to see this life in a very unique way that nobody could even imagine it.
Life is like a stage of drama. Everyone is the actors and actresses. You wear fancy clothes, ride an expensive cars, live in a spacious and gigantic house but deep inside or in real deal, you are just empty like an empty container without biscuits. I'm a traveller. Going through life just as what I've been told to. I miss you, I really do but I won't stop you if you just want to walk out of my life and forget everything that we have ever shared. As long as you're happy, I'm happy.

JINN

Enigma

Funny how life works. I wonder sometimes how I survive this world for 16 to be 17 years of being alive. I'm different. I always knew that. I tried to be in the crowd, y know being normal so that you won't look like a total freakin freak. haha. No matter how I do it, people can recognize me easily as a freak. I tried and I know I can't be someone else forever. I tried to blend in but something inside me keeps on telling me "this is not you", "this is not you","this is not you". What can I do? Everyone is okay so I tell myself, "Something is wrong with you. You should change". Change to what? Normal? Will that make you ever happy? Live off as someone else? Is that what you really want?

Honestly, I don't know. Indirectly, I have learnt that how the society pressure could turn someone to be someone that they don't want. Nothing's is wrong being society wagon and nothing's wrong being different. Y know, like mitosis and meiosis. Nothing's wrong with those process. Those have benefits although the processes have some variation. That's just life. I described life as colourful.

I'm flawed. I'm sinned. I'm human. I'm imperfect. I accept my difference although it's tough sometimes especially when you have to be in the crowd. Don't say I didn't try hard enough. I did. I went to unfamiliar territory. Knowing that I would survive eventually. I did. I came out safe and sound.

You are not alone

Dear to-be suicidal

ARE YOU INSANE OR STUPID OR JUST SIMPLY BRAINLESS?

First, i'm sorry for using those harsh words. I mean to. Don't you know how precious you are? The other side of the world is fighting for life but you? You are fighting for death? Seriously? Have you ever wonder what does it feels like being dead? No. Why? Because you've never been to that place before. People describe it as a deep, long, unending sleep. But what if it's not true? What if it's actually 100 times worse than life that you live in now? Everyone has a problem. I have a problem. You have a problem. Life is not a smooth sailing. You'll encounter sharks, pearl, pirates, dolphins along the journey. That's just life, buddy. If you were a victim of bullying, why do you bend down? You are a winner. No matter how a massive loser you are, you are still a winner. Why? You defeated your other rivals to fertilise your mom's ovum. Did you know how many rivals are there? Millions. Yes, it may sounds stupid but there is true behind it right? My advice to you and for myself as well, do not bend down. You are the strongest. Why are you letting those morons win by succeeding to make you taking your life? Life is once. Make use of it to the fullest to do good things. Be nice to the society although your society treat you like sh*t. Nothing's perfect buddy. Remember, when you are struggling to keep going, there are other sides of the world who's struggling like you or maybe even worse. I'm not perfect. I struggled a lot. Sometimes at one point, I just want everything to be silent but then I realize, it's not going to happen. Time is irreversible.It will continue to tick even though  you are at the edge of the cliff. Don't let the time wins you. Don't waste your time curling in your problems. Get out of them. Be like a butterfly who just come out of their pupa. Spread your wings, live well. Do believe in God. He's up there giving you sparkles of 'black hole' to make you stronger and tougher and to be a better person. I know and always know, nothing can change you except yourself. If people ask you to change and you don't want to, what can they do? Be a good person buddy. Rule of my thumb: Be good to the society, be different as long as it's a positive thing, be happy, put faith in God.

Why I trust God so much? Because He gives me hope and direction. Life without God is like an empty can without direction. It's kind of cliche but for me to tell you, for you to find out. When you find God, your soul will be at ease. If you didn't find out, continue searching. There is One True Creator. You'll figure out. Keep on searching. You'll find the way home and belonging.

May God bless you

Colour of life

It's true some people give up even when they don't want to. The reason is simple, there is no hope left. As a human, learn to be grateful of what you have. Believe in God, that's the simplest thing you can ever done. When you have God, you'll learn to hope and give in. http://9gag.tv/p/aVvYy0/god-sent-me-for-you-giving-rs-1000-notes-to-needy-share-for-cause-can-money-buy?ref=jfs

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