Hello peeps!
This week is quite relaxing I would say. I have less quizzes compared to previous week, I got a class cancelled which is today and at night(this week) I could free some of my time to do what I like to do. Before this, I'd never knew that by doing things that you like to do could actually put your mind at ease and could actually make you happy. I spent most of my free time watching YouTube simply just occupy the time.
At first I was happy because I could watch Youtubers that I like and I could diverge my mind to think of something else besides studying. After quite sometime and after watching too many YouTube videos, i realized that I'm not really happy. I become more stress as I felt like I have been wasting my time by watching too many Youtube videos. Yes, by watching your favourite Youtuber is thrilling and exciting but that instant feeling doesn't last long. My days are spent mainly with studying and watching YouTube or drama or movie. It's either or and there is no in between. I don't have hobbies and to be honest I'd never really sit down and think what I actually want to do in life or what I actually like to do.
I write blog simply because there are too many things that I want to say but I couldn't. As easy to say writing is my escapism. I started writing since I was a kid. To be exact after I knew what Diary actually meant. I have more than 5 diaries up until now. When things are tough and hard to bear, i write. Just like what I am doing now. I read back what i wrote from time to time as a mood reliever and also as a reminder. As i read back my previous writing, it reminds me that I had been in a situation where everything is too much to bear but I survived. I survived the tides but life is nothing but a repetition of cycle. Hence, tides come from time to time and the only thing that is left to do is to hang on. Hang on till the day God summon you permanently.
At one point, I asked myself what do you actually want in this life? What is your aim? I asked myself if it is okay to just live but deep inside I know I don't like to settle for less. I believe that i only live once and every second that ticks even now is precious. As second ticks someone dies. As second ticks someone is born. Life is more than just simply trying to survive. Yes, survivability is important but when you realized that you can actually do more than just surviving, don't you think that it's just a waste to actually live your life mundanely? Some people might disagree with me but I am entitled to my own opinion so let me be. Your opinion is highly appreciated but not needed. Thank you.
There are things that I have been continuously doing unconsciously and that is writing. I love to share new things with people and I love to share my writing. I speak well but I write better, i guess. I write to be heard although most of the time my writing doesn't reach the person that I'm specifically referring to but that's okay. I'm happy enough that I'm actually able to write it out.
I started to write in Japanese this week and I found out that I have passion for blogging. I like to write in English honestly because it is easier to express myself but I am learning Japanese as well. I want to improve my Japanese through blogging or vlogging just what I did to improve my English. That's all from me today I guess. Since I have started writing in Japanese I'll probably write lesser in English but English will always be my language of expressing myself. I'll write from time to time and if there's anyone who actually reads my English blog earnestly, thank you. I really appreciate your endless support and thank you for supporting me. If you actually read till here, please say hi to me. I'll be waiting for your reply. Thank you everyone and have a nice day. God bless.
JINN
Wednesday, 29 November 2017
Saturday, 25 November 2017
日本語以外に勉強するなら、何語か？
見てくれてありがとう！いつも感謝します。訂正があったら自由に私に連絡してください。今日本語を勉強しているから、間違った文法とか変な言葉の使い方がもちろんあるはずです。じゃね～
Friday, 24 November 2017
MJHEP Diary: Hectic week
MJHEP Diary: Hectic week
Hello peeps!
I'm back with more writing(lol). I just finished my tests and also quizzes. This week was probably one of the most hectic week ever but still bearable I would say. I sat for 4 different types of test which consist of 化学(chemistry )、電気回路(Electric circuit Theory)、線形代数(linear algebra)and微分積分(differentiation and integration ). I sat for chemistry test on Tuesday, Electric circuit theory test on Wednesday, and linear algebra and differentiation and integration today(Friday). After a hectic week which felt like forever and everything was done, I can finally put my heart at ease(not really after you realized you had actually done some miscalculation during the test😭) but what is done is done and nothing can be done about it so.. 無視しようか(let's ignore it).
I didn't usually drink isotonic drink in order to stay up but this time I did. I drank 3 tins of isotonic drink for 3 consecutive nights and honestly the first day I took my first tin of isotonic drink I stayed up until 1 am. Unfortunately, on the second day it didn't work for me that well. I drank my second tin of isotonic drink at 12am after I finished writing my chemistry report and not long after that I fell asleep. I wanted to study a little bit more but my head wasn't comprehending well and my eyes were getting heavy so I knew there was only one solution to that problem which was to call it a day. On the third day, I took my third isotonic drink around 9pm and I stayed up until 1 am ++ again. I planned to stay up until 2 am but you know when you had exerted your brain too much, it'll just stop working and despite reading the notes again and again you'll just end up getting disappointed because nothing gets into your head so I switched off the light and slept.
Of all days in this week I would say yesterday was the most tiring day. I hadn't finish making my linear algebra notes yet and I took quite sometime to finish it while at the same time I hadn't fully understand some concepts in differentiation and integration. I finished making my linear algebra notes around 11pm ++ and can you imagine I started to study differentiation and integration seriously around 12am ++?!! I tried to continue studying differentiation and integration after finished studying linear algebra but my brain was already drained and I knew I should stop studying for a while and do something else before my brain drain totally and the side effect of it would be I forgot everything that I had memorized or
my mind blurred while taking the test.
I had experienced that kind of situation last year where I forced myself to study until late at night and even though I was sleepy, i still forced myself to read and memorize the notes and the result was I couldn't answer the next day's test properly as I forgot the formulas, i forgot what I had memorized and my head felt heavy and I couldn't think clearly. That kind of situation which I called black days lasted for few days and I literally screwed up two tests which was basic engineering test and mathematic test. Ever since that day, I had learnt my lesson which is to draw your own limit and live according to it. I still have some black days up until now and I'm still adjusting to counteract those days so that even if I fall, I didn't literally fall completely. It's okay to fall sometimes but you should know how deep can you fall into. There's a limit to everything. Even the infinity has a limit which still remain a mystery but somewhere finite there is.
So.. I guess I'll pen off now. That's all that I have for you guys(as of now). Kbye.
JINN
Hello peeps!
I'm back with more writing(lol). I just finished my tests and also quizzes. This week was probably one of the most hectic week ever but still bearable I would say. I sat for 4 different types of test which consist of 化学(chemistry )、電気回路(Electric circuit Theory)、線形代数(linear algebra)and微分積分(differentiation and integration ). I sat for chemistry test on Tuesday, Electric circuit theory test on Wednesday, and linear algebra and differentiation and integration today(Friday). After a hectic week which felt like forever and everything was done, I can finally put my heart at ease(not really after you realized you had actually done some miscalculation during the test😭) but what is done is done and nothing can be done about it so.. 無視しようか(let's ignore it).
I didn't usually drink isotonic drink in order to stay up but this time I did. I drank 3 tins of isotonic drink for 3 consecutive nights and honestly the first day I took my first tin of isotonic drink I stayed up until 1 am. Unfortunately, on the second day it didn't work for me that well. I drank my second tin of isotonic drink at 12am after I finished writing my chemistry report and not long after that I fell asleep. I wanted to study a little bit more but my head wasn't comprehending well and my eyes were getting heavy so I knew there was only one solution to that problem which was to call it a day. On the third day, I took my third isotonic drink around 9pm and I stayed up until 1 am ++ again. I planned to stay up until 2 am but you know when you had exerted your brain too much, it'll just stop working and despite reading the notes again and again you'll just end up getting disappointed because nothing gets into your head so I switched off the light and slept.
Of all days in this week I would say yesterday was the most tiring day. I hadn't finish making my linear algebra notes yet and I took quite sometime to finish it while at the same time I hadn't fully understand some concepts in differentiation and integration. I finished making my linear algebra notes around 11pm ++ and can you imagine I started to study differentiation and integration seriously around 12am ++?!! I tried to continue studying differentiation and integration after finished studying linear algebra but my brain was already drained and I knew I should stop studying for a while and do something else before my brain drain totally and the side effect of it would be I forgot everything that I had memorized or
my mind blurred while taking the test.
I had experienced that kind of situation last year where I forced myself to study until late at night and even though I was sleepy, i still forced myself to read and memorize the notes and the result was I couldn't answer the next day's test properly as I forgot the formulas, i forgot what I had memorized and my head felt heavy and I couldn't think clearly. That kind of situation which I called black days lasted for few days and I literally screwed up two tests which was basic engineering test and mathematic test. Ever since that day, I had learnt my lesson which is to draw your own limit and live according to it. I still have some black days up until now and I'm still adjusting to counteract those days so that even if I fall, I didn't literally fall completely. It's okay to fall sometimes but you should know how deep can you fall into. There's a limit to everything. Even the infinity has a limit which still remain a mystery but somewhere finite there is.
So.. I guess I'll pen off now. That's all that I have for you guys(as of now). Kbye.
JINN
Saturday, 4 November 2017
Realisation
So today I feel like to write so here I am. I miss someone. Missing that person whom I met only for a while which become a turning point in my life. I wonder if everything that I feel now is real, genuine or it is just another episode in my life drama. I'm starting to wonder for how long can I hold on to the string that is rupturing as the clock ticks second. Everything is fine. Everything is going well. We don't fight. We don't argue. We simply agree or disagree and yet the distance simply drive us apart.
I wonder if every effort that I put after all this while is worth it. I wonder if my effort will eventually make you realize that you are somewhat has become a prominent figure in my life. I'm scared of letting you to dive into my life but then I was actually the one who opened up the route. I widen the route unconsciously until at one point where I realized I wasn't supposed to do that. I have becoming too dependent, too clingy. Thinking of you in what ever activities that I do unconsciously as it has become a habit that eventually backfires. I diverged too far from the path as I am too eager to track your brightness that fades inevitably at the middle out of nowhere.
I found you in the moon as looking at the moon reminds me of you. Somewhere finite, i know we are sharing and looking at the same moon. I dislike myself for being too dependent, for falling to easily in everything and for telling you everything that I shouldn't or not necessary to. I believe that if we are meant to be we will be definitely. Time is a mysterious mechanism that works nonstop from the beginning of life. A lot of things change along with the time. Me. You. Everyone.
We are too different in terms of everything and yet I still wish you to be by my side cheering and supporting me always . I started to ask God if you are not meant to be with me in this temporary stay, is it possible to be together hereafter? Is it possible to have you as mine hereafter despite our most crucial difference that separate us apart temporarily which becomes permanent after we die?
I'm wondering myself to sleep. No answers. No clues. Just unanswered questions that make me wonder for days. Repeating the cycle even when I have the choice of not to is exhausting my conscience and logical thinking.
Should I stop now? Should I give up on you now believing that if we are meant to be we will be? Or should I tell you directly how much you are actually mean to me although we started off as a complete stranger? I'm still wondering alone because if I ever tell my feelings out loud, I'm scared that you'll step out of my life earlier than i am expected. I still need time from attachment to independent. Give me some time and I'll move on. Probably.
JINN
I wonder if every effort that I put after all this while is worth it. I wonder if my effort will eventually make you realize that you are somewhat has become a prominent figure in my life. I'm scared of letting you to dive into my life but then I was actually the one who opened up the route. I widen the route unconsciously until at one point where I realized I wasn't supposed to do that. I have becoming too dependent, too clingy. Thinking of you in what ever activities that I do unconsciously as it has become a habit that eventually backfires. I diverged too far from the path as I am too eager to track your brightness that fades inevitably at the middle out of nowhere.
I found you in the moon as looking at the moon reminds me of you. Somewhere finite, i know we are sharing and looking at the same moon. I dislike myself for being too dependent, for falling to easily in everything and for telling you everything that I shouldn't or not necessary to. I believe that if we are meant to be we will be definitely. Time is a mysterious mechanism that works nonstop from the beginning of life. A lot of things change along with the time. Me. You. Everyone.
We are too different in terms of everything and yet I still wish you to be by my side cheering and supporting me always . I started to ask God if you are not meant to be with me in this temporary stay, is it possible to be together hereafter? Is it possible to have you as mine hereafter despite our most crucial difference that separate us apart temporarily which becomes permanent after we die?
I'm wondering myself to sleep. No answers. No clues. Just unanswered questions that make me wonder for days. Repeating the cycle even when I have the choice of not to is exhausting my conscience and logical thinking.
Should I stop now? Should I give up on you now believing that if we are meant to be we will be? Or should I tell you directly how much you are actually mean to me although we started off as a complete stranger? I'm still wondering alone because if I ever tell my feelings out loud, I'm scared that you'll step out of my life earlier than i am expected. I still need time from attachment to independent. Give me some time and I'll move on. Probably.
JINN
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