Time as a healer(2 weeks)

Time as a healer(2 weeks)

Moon and I didn’t actually break up. We just went separate ways and everything is over. One day, Moon simply stop replying to my messages and I eventually stop waiting. At first, it was hard. The feeling of betrayal and curiosity overwhelmed me and for that I had spent almost everyday thinking about Moon. Some people said if we like someone for more than 4 months, it’s no longer a form of crush but a love. The feeling of curiosity and betrayal only lasted for two weeks and now I feel numb. I don’t how to feel or react anymore. I still check on the app to make sure there’s no unread messages although deep down I was hoping for Moon to actually reply or say hi or something. 

Moon and I met about 3 months ago and if the theory is right I probably didn’t like Moon that much. Time surely heals every broken pieces within you or even if it doesn’t heal, it surely knows how to make you oblivious of your actual feeling. About two weeks ago, almost everything that I do, I’ll be reminded of Moon. Two weeks later? Not so anymore except for today. It was raining cat and dog and somewhat it reminded me of those rainy days that I had spent with Moon. Those days when we crossed the rain together, those days when we shared the umbrella together and the time when I told Moon I like the rain and the feeling it makes me feel.

After two weeks of not in contact with Moon, I learnt a few things. I learnt how much Moon actually meant in my life, I learnt that no matter how much you like someone, if they don’t feel the same way, the relationship will never work, and I learnt that time surely can do miracles. Maybe I didn’t like Moon as much as I thought but Moon surely one of the good moments that had ever happened in my life. I probably was hallucinating when Moon did some nice gestures to me when the fact that Moon is just being nice with no harm intended. 

Whatever the reason that Moon has to explain the situation(if Moon ever replies to my message again), I probably will just accept and like Moon again. For the time being, it is probably best for Moon to not contacting me anymore because if Moon does, I probably will return to two weeks ago me. The two weeks ago me was an unstable creature with feelings that change instantly every second ticks and mind that was full with everything about Moon. 

“I wish to say this to Moon, I wish to show this to Moon, I want Moon to feel this way, I want Moon to listen to this song, etc.” 

-Two weeks ago me- 

Almost everything that I do, I’ll always keep Moon in my mind. Isn’t if funny that you put so much effort for people that you like, you think about them constantly, you try to understand them although you know that you just couldn’t but in the end, they just simply have no clue of what’s actually going on and everything that you do is the same with everything that you not do. It’s like you put so much effort to decorate shadows but they are never actually there and every of your effort become flying dusts when shadows are gone. 

Time surely heals be it a week, a month or a year. You just have to convince yourself that everything will be okay and be patience about it. You’re going to feel miserable, at one point you might wanted to shout at top of your lung or you might wanted to pull off all of your hairs desperately because you feel like you just can’t tolerate dramas that you yourself don’t even asked for but one fine day, everything will be in place. One day, those unwanted feelings will become numb and from numb it’ll disappear like bubbles that are being washed by strong waves. You are going to be okay. Trust yourself.

JINN

Why do we dream?

“Dream: A series of thoughts, images and sensations occurring in a person’s mind during sleep”

A few days ago, I had a weird dream. I dreamt of a friend that I last met exactly 3 years ago. He is one of my high school friends. We weren’t close but we did have conversations because we shared the same interest which is about religion. In my dream, he was the main character. I’m not going to elaborate into the details of the dream but to summarize the dream, the dream took place at school, he was wearing a school uniform and we did some typical school stuff like attending classes, going to book stores, etc.

I woke up from the dream and ever since that I had full curiosity of dream. What is actually dream? How does dream actually worked? Why did I dream of him although we weren’t close during high school? Why of all people I dreamt of him? Due to that, I spent ample time on the internet searching for the reason. The best thing about internet is you can search even the silliest question and you can still get the answer without being judged. Some people said dreams don’t affect our daily life or dream is just simply random images that play automatically inside our head but for me it’s more than just a series of images that play automatically during sleep.

So, according to my findings (not so deep but enough for me to understand few things), generally we dream of someone that we think often. We think of someone too often that they ended up appearing in our dream. The funny thing about this finding is I have someone that I remember every single day without a miss but sadly that person has never appeared in my dream not even once where as a person that used to be simply one of my high friends appeared in my dream and became the main character.  

The next finding was dream is a representation of our unconscious desires and thoughts. Hmm.. this finding is actually interesting, and it somewhat keeps me wondering about it for quite sometimes. Unconscious desires and thoughts? Well, maybe? Honestly, I used to have short fling on him, but it ended a long time ago like 3 years ago maybe. I used to have a lot of crushes and he was one of them, so nothing was really special about him. He was just one of the flowers that I found interesting and amusing. He wondered a lot just like me but the difference between him and me was he wondered obviously while I preferred to keep my wonders all to myself. I remembered once he was sitting in the class facing the window and he starred at the outside for a very long time. We used to be classmates and he somewhat was sitting near me.

“Why the grass is green?”

He blurted out. I didn’t know whether he was only talking to himself or he was actually asking a real question, but I think I said something, but I couldn’t remember it now. A year passed by and we no longer in the same class. We still met every now and then, but we didn’t talk that much. Well, we weren’t that close to speak every time we met though.

One day, he asked me about something which is written in my Holy Book and I couldn’t answer it, so I asked my religious teacher about it and told him the answer after I got the answer. Since that day, we talked a lot about religion. We weren’t in the same religion, but our religion shares a lot of things in common, so we often talked about those. He told me stories that I had never known before and because of that I realized how little my knowledge is. I am a wonderer in my own way, and I thought I was the only one who’s like that but in some ways,  I found a partial of myself in him. We surely shared a few things in common.

Is it because he resembled me in some ways that I dreamt of him or is there any hidden feelings that I myself do not realize that my brain is trying to tell me? But why it has to be now? There are many questions that remain unsolved and there are many secrets that remain hidden. It’s a good thing and it’s also a not so good thing. It keeps us human as a true wonderer, but it makes us exhausted because some questions are meant not to be answered.

Just maybe I actually miss him, and my brain is trying to tell me that? Although my conscious me isn’t convince with this hypothesis, I actually texted him to find out. The result? I still enjoy his presence even it’s behind the small screen, even after so long of not talking, meeting eye to eye and contacting. The good feeling I had while talking to him few years ago still remain unchanged.

JINN

3 Ways to End Procrastination

“Procrastination: The action of delaying or postponing something”

Currently I’m in the middle of exam week. I don’t know what had actually happened to me, but I realized that I had spent ample of times scrolling down social media, watching Youtube, and scrolling down social media again when I am supposed to be studying. We all must have gone through that sort of phase, right? You wish to do something, but you ended up lying on the bed with one hand scrolling the smartphone for hours knowing that there are so many things that you should do instead of just lying on the bed. I wonder where things had gone wrong and why do I always end up procrastinating? After giving it some thoughts, I eventually figured out why.

**This is my point of view(POV)**

1    1. Lack of sense of urgency

So this is the legit one. You have an assignment and the assignment is due in 3 weeks’ time. You browsed through the assignment and you realized that the assignment is hard to be done by yourself. Most of your friends haven’t done the assignment yet so you told yourself “ Nah, I’ll just wait for 

someone to do it and the due date is in 3 weeks’ time. I’ll be fine.”  Thus, you procrastinate.  

2. The assignment is too difficult to do by yourself

You realize that how hard you try, you won’t get the correct answer for the assignment. Instead of “wasting your time” figuring out things that won’t be figured out by yourself, you choose to avoid the assignment all at once. You know that when the due date is near and when you are pressured, you’ll get it done eventually. Thus, you procrastinate.

3. Social Media addiction

This is very important too. Realize it or not most of us are addicted to social medias. We spend every single day not missing out tweets, YouTube videos and posted pictures on Instagram. Social medias are created to be addictive because if the apps are not designed that way, people won’t be using those frequently. Besides, social media is also a form of escapism for many of us. After trying to do assignments that are not meant to be solved by ourselves, we escape to social medias to diverge us from the actual reality. We intend to escape just for a while but that “a while” turns to an hour and hours. Procrastination.

4. Lack of interest

Probably you don’t like the task that you are assign to, but you must do it by hook or by crook. You don’t seek for perfection in the task that you are assign to and your main objective is only to complete the task in any way that is possible. Since you don’t seek for perfection in the task that you are given to, you told yourself “it’s okay.  I’ll do this later.” Thus, you procrastinate.

There are many ways to end procrastination. Why should we end procrastination if procrastination is a comfort zone for some? The answer is time is money. The more we spend our time doing things that don’t benefit us, we are actually burning the money unnecessarily. Time and money are almost the same but there is major difference between them which is money can be replaced back but the lost time is gone forever. Lost times can never be replaced and there’ll never be 7.48pm, 4^th of February 2019 again forever. The steps are as follow.

1. Increase sense of urgency

Create your own sense of urgency. Set the due time by yourself. For example, you have few chapters to cover for your test tomorrow which will be held at 10.00 am. At 3.00 pm the day before the test, you don’t feel like studying and you found yourself scrolling your Twitter Timeline. Remember this “without a penny, it won’t be a million”. What basically I want to say is, take every simple action as something that is important. Always bear in mind that even 1 out of 100 is way better than 0. Set the time and start doing what you should do! So back to the situation, tell yourself “by 4.00pm, I’ll have to finish one chapter so in order to that, I have to start now. After 4, I can get some rest.” To increase concentration in what you are currently doing, limit your working time and you’ll find yourself concentrating more than ever. For example, you probably have set one chapter for one hour, but you realize that the topic is simple, and it can be finished within half an hour.  Instead of prolonging your resting time, extend your working time.

Short time + many input = High efficiency

Efficiency is not directly proportional to time. Hence, study smart while at the same time study hard.

2. Log out all social media

This may not be the best method, but it works sometimes. Social medias are my escapism. I scroll down Twitter more than 10 times a day. Due to final exam, I log out Facebook but keeping the Twitter log in. The result? There are days when I don’t use Facebook at all! In normal days, I spend more than 7 times scrolling Facebook but after I log out Facebook, I probably log in to Facebook about once a day or once in 3 days. It’s a huge different isn’t it? I should log out Twitter as well after this.  

3. Spend your time doing something else

This is what I am currently doing. I know that I should be studying instead of writing blog but when step one doesn’t work, you have to think of doing something else. Something beside number 2 of course. Since writing is something that I enjoy doing and something that I won’t regard as an act of procrastinating, instead of just surfing the internet randomly to kill some time, I use those times to do something that may benefit others indirectly and something that I enjoy. If you feel like procrastinating, do something beneficial that you like. Something beneficial means an activity that can improve your technical skills or soft skills.   

Everyone has unique ways to end procrastination. Procrastination may be good sometimes but, in most situations, it needs to be eliminated by all means. Say NO to procrastination!

JINN

Random thoughts

“Today is going to be a good day”

That’s what I had told myself and I’ll make sure it’ll be. No matter what had happened yesterday night or last week ago, I’ll make sure today is going to be a good day for me. Simply because I promised myself that I’ll be. Honestly, I had a pretty rough week but I survived and pretty much alive. My heart was broken but I don’t have those ample times to grief and thus, I push myself to go through this hectic week. I struggled to push myself but then I knew if I don’t do this, I’ll be doomed definitely. 

I was ignored or at least I felt I was being ignored. It wasn’t the best feeling as currently I need moral support more than any other time but that’s the catch. I was ignored and today is the 5th since my last message. During those days, I self reflected myself and I tried to console myself. It dawned on me that at the end of the day, no one permanently stays in my life and I have to do make do with the present. 

Experiences make you mature regardless bitter experience or sweet experience. I learnt that people stay because they want to and no matter how much you try to make them to stay, if they don’t want to stay, they won’t stay. As the second ticks, I could feel the distance between us become colder and there are so many words that remain unuttered. I’m tired of trying to convince, I’m exhausted of being the starter and in just a moment, I just stop trying. I wish the person realize how much he/she actually meant to me but it was my fault too for setting up the boundaries and lines that I myself don’t abide. 

I’m still learning. Human relationships are interesting and I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of those. This time I’m just gonna let it pass. If the person wish to stay, he/she will. If the person thinks otherwise, I’ll let it go. I’ve got so many things to lose and if I have to let the person go, I will. I keep people before at my own will and not theirs. The result? It didn’t go well so this time I’m just gonna let him/her and if he/she stays, he/she is the right person to keep close. Take lessons and move on. We can do this. We are better than this.

JINN