Random thoughts

“Today is going to be a good day”

That’s what I had told myself and I’ll make sure it’ll be. No matter what had happened yesterday night or last week ago, I’ll make sure today is going to be a good day for me. Simply because I promised myself that I’ll be. Honestly, I had a pretty rough week but I survived and pretty much alive. My heart was broken but I don’t have those ample times to grief and thus, I push myself to go through this hectic week. I struggled to push myself but then I knew if I don’t do this, I’ll be doomed definitely. 

I was ignored or at least I felt I was being ignored. It wasn’t the best feeling as currently I need moral support more than any other time but that’s the catch. I was ignored and today is the 5th since my last message. During those days, I self reflected myself and I tried to console myself. It dawned on me that at the end of the day, no one permanently stays in my life and I have to do make do with the present. 

Experiences make you mature regardless bitter experience or sweet experience. I learnt that people stay because they want to and no matter how much you try to make them to stay, if they don’t want to stay, they won’t stay. As the second ticks, I could feel the distance between us become colder and there are so many words that remain unuttered. I’m tired of trying to convince, I’m exhausted of being the starter and in just a moment, I just stop trying. I wish the person realize how much he/she actually meant to me but it was my fault too for setting up the boundaries and lines that I myself don’t abide. 

I’m still learning. Human relationships are interesting and I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of those. This time I’m just gonna let it pass. If the person wish to stay, he/she will. If the person thinks otherwise, I’ll let it go. I’ve got so many things to lose and if I have to let the person go, I will. I keep people before at my own will and not theirs. The result? It didn’t go well so this time I’m just gonna let him/her and if he/she stays, he/she is the right person to keep close. Take lessons and move on. We can do this. We are better than this.

JINN