Detonation

somehow you did a break in an unwritten virtual tension walls between us. Thanks though. I mean I wish to know more about you or what has happened to you but I know there's a boundary line between us that each one of just don't wish to cross it. I respect your decision, your rights as always. Just to let you know, I have never ignore you. I just felt unwanted and being ignored. When there is insecurity on the line, I choose the safe way that is to say nothing. Let the time do their jobs. I just go with the flow. where ever the tides bring me, I'll go there. I wish to flow away against the tide but I realized I just don't have guts to do so. For now, I'm just too weak to do it but I know sooner or later I'll be among the people who flow away against the tide. For me the life that I have now is already good enough for me. I mean what else should I ask? Despite of having some internal problems most probably from myself, I am served with good foods. Life might not be okay sometimes but remember we are just lucky or I'm just lucky. I hold this one phrase "eat well, live well" so whenever you feel at lose you go find food. well to be honest it might not be a good escapism because you intend to obese yourself but sometimes all you need is something to indulge, something nice that you can have it, maybe ice cream. I don't consume alcohol or wine or anything that has the same meaning with them so food is my target. But sometimes when we are just too sad or depressed that just won't work. That time, turn to someone that you really believe and burst out. If you don't have that 'someone' then 'something' would be okay. Just like me, I felt better writing this. Let go everything you have in your mind and at the same time being unknown. I guess my confession part has reached to an end, I shall continue later but this drama part ends here.


JINN

Towards South 3

Day 3 since the last we talked. The only escapism I have right now is to stress out myself. In that very harsh way, I'll forget you. How complex this life works. one point we thought everything's going to be simple but in the other point everything is just too much. The feeling of longing has faded living only some small scars which can be cured over the time. Sometimes I wonder what am I to you whether I'm just another passer by in your life or am I the change to your life? Honestly the second one might be too mainstream. I need to accept that from now on I have to move on, continue this life without the presence of you just like how I begin my life. Nobody stays long in my life except for my lovely parents who loves me unconditionally. Yes, we fight often. We argues but that usually won't last long. At the moment, everything is just too numb and too much for me. I felt nothing except for emptiness and dizziness. Honestly I don't know how we get to this point that we just simply ignore each other. Maybe we are just too busy with ourselves that we forget the counterpart. Just maybe you know. I wish you would start the conversation. I'm tired of being the starter. Why does it always me? Is it because you think that I could absorb everything like a sponge and retains its normal shape? Then, if you ever think that way I guess you are wrong. Note that I'm a human too. I cried. I feel moody. I feel lonely. Despite those dark side, I have my own bright side too. I smiled. I laughed. I'm cheerful. The me that you met for the previous weeks was the bright side of me. You are just lucky. Way too lucky.

JINN

Towards South 2

Those days are gone living only empty messages and the feeling of longing. I somehow understood where are we heading to. If that's the best for us it's okay. We have never start anything so I guess there's nothing to end about. Sometimes I wonder where I stand in the eye of you just as you are standing highly in front of me. This is the last day I'm longing for you. Just like you think there's nothing to end about when we never start anything with. We are like a different molecule, we collide each other and separate. We are ineffective collision. I'm not going to say sorry again because every of my sorry is just another word uttered by me to you when I really means it. I respect you as someone that is unique. See you again.

JINN

Towards South 1

I dreamt of something that I couldn't be. I'm being a hypocrite here. Nevertheless, ignore me. I'll be fine. Just like what I told you, I'm a kind of a person who you can throw and pick up as you like. You chase me out, I'll go. You invited me in, I'll come back. As bitter as the taste of meds, it's more bitter to walk with you. Maybe we are just not meant to be. You know my secret, I know yours. Does that ever change anything? In the very end, one of us will walk either one of us life leaving only a treasure of memories that only this one particular person can open and understand it. Our friendship is complex. Just like how it begins and how we get along each other. I adore you like a chocolate fountain in the candy shop. You are sweet. You are caring albeit a little bit straightforward. That's just you.
Eventually, I was sorta drawn into you in a very unthinkable way. I hate to admit this but just like what you said maybe just maybe that love is just hard to find? My life is colourful and wonderful. People wow about my life thinking just how lucky I am. I must admit I'm lucky but despite being lucky, I have my own dirty laundries and struggles. I'm only 17 but i'm blessed to see this life in a very unique way that nobody could even imagine it.
Life is like a stage of drama. Everyone is the actors and actresses. You wear fancy clothes, ride an expensive cars, live in a spacious and gigantic house but deep inside or in real deal, you are just empty like an empty container without biscuits. I'm a traveller. Going through life just as what I've been told to. I miss you, I really do but I won't stop you if you just want to walk out of my life and forget everything that we have ever shared. As long as you're happy, I'm happy.

JINN