Just another shattered glass

My brain satellite says all. You are gone. Gone from the circles I have made. I should have known earlier. Nobody could handle me well. I'm like a francium, too strong to hold, too dangerous to keep, too much to bear. I want to cry so badly right now to mourn every pathetic thing around me but somehow just tired to do so. My heart said let go everything that budge my mind but my brain said hold them, you are strong enough to bear this shit. Why? Why can't I own something that I wish to have? Why did people decline me? Am I really a kind of contagious disease that need to be disposed? Why? Why can't I just have a friend that I wish to have? Why couldn't you be my friend? why is it always me who starts the conversation? is it because we are just way too different? Is it because we have contradict opinion about particular topic? Why can't people accept me the way I am? The way I think? The way I act? Why do I have to follow y all? Don't I have myself? Don't I own myself? I'm freaking sick. Some people said, leave the people that don't wish you to be their friend. I just realized. It's easier to say than done. I kinda regret that I like you. I regret I give advice to people when the fact that I couldn't help myself. Maybe I should just shut up and help myself. Just maybe. Dear A, I wish you hear me out. I wish you care more, I wish we could be nice friend. Not a best friend. Just a nice friend. I need your help but I'm afraid to say so. I hope you realize that but it comes to me like a bulb popping out of your brain that You Don't Care. It's just me. I did the circle without you. I erase the circle without you. I decorate the circle without you. Its just me. We are never together. I'm in my own world. I lived in my own fantasies and now i'm paying the price to get out of it. I wish things don't be this complicated. To be honest, I think my heart cracks, waiting to fell off slowly as shattered glass. I'm gonna be okay. I'm okay. I'm always okay because I'm a good pretender and actress. Actresses always know how to fix themselves because they could.