Moving on (1)

“I’m leaving.”

That was the last time she saw him. She believed she would have any regrets leaving him behind. She believed that she could find someone like him after she settled down at new place. Studying abroad had always been her dream and she wouldn’t simply throw away that opportunity just for a guy. Little that she knew, things aren’t as simple as that.

She could have offered alternatives to him or even explain clearly things to him but she didn’t. She just didn’t want to complicate things that already are. She knew this is for the best, at least which is what she had thought. Relationship? She knew she wasn’t the type who would sacrifice herself for the sake of love. To her, love comes later after herself. She had learnt that at the end of the day, she just need to walk this path. Alone.

She knew if that if she had explain things to him properly, he would have understood but she just too lazy to do those. She just want to escape the dramas, explaining things episode and justifying her actions for never telling him her biggest dream which is studying abroad.

She heard her name being called after she said she was leaving but she turned her back and left. She knew she might left permanent scare to someone’s heart but she couldn’t afford to lose her things even to him or anyone else.

5 years flew by and she had returned for real. She knew that she could just simply continue to stay abroad but she didn’t do that. There is something that she was looking for, something that is bigger than what she has now, something that she once had and simply let it go.

She returned back to her hometown, to her old home. The home that kept memories that she ached to remember and memories that she wished to forget. The house that she left 5 years ago remained untouched. A creek sound of the main door as she opened the door reminded her of her life 5 years ago.

She used to be that cheerful and lively person. A person who always had something to talk about, a person who got along with people easily, a person that was once favored by everyone. She didn’t know at which turning point of her life that those part of hers are slowly diminishing and eventually gone along with the passed time.

She knew she had to take a fresh air. The house that was left for 5 years smelt nothing but pain and sorrow, also dusts. She walked around her neighbourhood for a while. Everything seemed different and unfamiliar. She greeted Mrs Duncan, a middle aged housewife who lives at the end of her neighbourhood who always goes out every late afternoon to water her flowers and maybe to do some gardening.

She looked a little bit old and there were few wrinkles already formed at the corner of her eyes. 5 years can really make different, she had thought. She had a cup of tea and also a little chat with Mrs Duncan. She could see just from Mrs Duncan expression that she was glad to meet her again. She asked her if she was coming back for real and she just gave her a polite smile.        

Three days had passed by and she had been staying at home. After the visit at Mrs Duncan house and after she had bought all the basic necessities, she never went out of her house. She found out the person that she was probably looking for was no longer here. The person had moved out from the neighbourhood 3 years ago. 

She was expecting the news but she didn’t understand why her heart beat vigorously. She longed for that person, honestly speaking. She was tired of lying to herself and denying the things that is actually important to her.

She eventually made herself out of the house. She knew nothing could be done if she continued to stay at home but then even if she came out of the house, the past is still permanent and unfixed. She went to the playground that is located 3 miles from her house. She used to ride bicycle to come here but now she came here by walking. She planned to free walk, which means wherever she walks that is her destination. She didn’t expect to be at the playground but since she was here, she took a seat at one of the bench.

The sound of kids laughing wholeheartedly, the sound of kids running freely reminded her of moments that she had actually missed since she left. She was too eager observing the kids climbing up the climbers, the two kids who were competing who can swing the highest until she didn’t realized that a small green ball had rolled to her feet.

“Excuse me. Excuse me!”

To be continued