Friend(友人)

Friend

"a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard."

There are quite a number of people who come into my life and paint some colors on my so-called boring life but there are very small number of them that I wish to keep. There are very few of them that I wish to hang on to or hold on to. I used to think that friendship is just a thing that people create to feel belonging, or a thing that people create just to have fun. Nothing more could be less. To be honest, i'd never truly treasure friendship as much as I am now. Being an adult is actually something i guess. It took me about 19 years to figure out what true friends are for and what is the real meaning of friend. Being betrayed at a very young age probably disrupt the whole meaning I guess but I'm lucky enough that I don't dwell into that kind of thinking forever. I found a lot kind of friends as i am ageing and probably more to come. Friend for benefits are the kind of friend that I have encountered the most up until now but honestly, i don't really care. Yes, i care about that A LOT at first but life is too short to care about  things that don't really affect your life so I just let it pass. At the end of the day, they just need to survive. Humans are naturally desperate and they have to do what ever they could for the sake of their life continuity. I can't be too selfish too, can I? I'm a human too so basically if not all I could somewhat understand here and there a little bit i guess about norms logic. Sigh. Humans are unique in their own ways and that is probably why I fall for them as much as I'm disappointed with them.

Along the way, I also found very few of them that I can actually called as a friend who truly have a tender heart, who are able to give you peace just being by their side and who are actually there for you at your lowest point. I kind of feel guilty that i overlook this very small circle that I have until I'm cornered at the edge of cliff of breaking down. When I thought that nobody would be there when i was about to fall of the cliff, I was wrong. Just that I need to louder my voice and try to reach for them. They're actually there waiting to be heard all the time. It took me ample time to figure that out. I had always thought that I provide myself a back support but to be honest it wasn't just me who support me to be this far. Family and friends are the strongest back support in my 19 years of my life. It can't be denied that there are some family members and friends who try to tear me down but then not all apples in the basket are rotten, right? You just have to find some goods in those and if you look at those clearly, you'll find out which is the edible ones and the rotten ones.

There are times when I lost in my own wonders and I started to question everything. If you are a believer like me, that is probably not a good news. You can't be fully contented with joy all the time, can you? There are times when you just don't know what you are doing and what you are here for. Some things that were used to be clear to you are something that is very blurry to you now. You just simply lost. Unhappy. Do you know that sometimes happiness is not found within ourselves but actually within someone else? Yes, finding happiness within ourselves is the peak of happiness but just because it is not at the peak does not mean that it couldn't provide you full contentment, right? Making others laugh, provide others comfort, give others help can also be some sort of happiness and contentment. I found out that I wish to be that person towards the people that I wish to keep in my very small circle. Seeing people's smile face, listening to them laugh, and being able to understand them is truly a blessing for me. To sum up, i found happiness not just within myself but also within others too. Others that I can truly call a friend.

Yours sincerely,

JINN