To be honest up until now I don't really know if my feeling towards that person is genuine or not. In this post, im gonna express that person as KI(kay-ai)to avoid me from using he/she or otherwise it'll be too obvious.
Today i read one interesting tweet on twitter. It sounded like this 👇🏻
「it starts with ignored messages. then talking less frequently. suddenly, u don’t care what they’re doing b/c they’ve taught u not to. you’re tired of wondering why u care so much when they can’t be bothered to talk to u. you’re done trying to figure it out. they lost u for good」
#copypaste
If KI ever reads this, KI probably understand what I'm trying to say but knowing that KI won't "have time" to read this, I'm just gonna write freely. Maybe.
So my new readers probably don't know the story so I'm just gonna summarised the story for y'all(not really). KI and I met only once. Of all people that I met once in my life KI is my most favourite stranger-turn-friend up until now. I don't know why and I'm tired of trying to figure out why. I'm still wondering up to these days the reason why KI becomes my favourite person but not as much as before. You guys probably can't relate with this story that much..i mean like who favourites person that they only met once in their life? and unfortunately i did.
It wasn't a romantic meeting at all. I treated that meeting as a professional meeting and a beneficial meeting because I could get something out of it. I didn't like KI... well to be exact I felt nothing when I met KI. I expected KI to be just like other people whom I met once in my life which means we talked a little bit on social media, met them in real life and after that we turned back into strangers.
Between me and KI, i expected our "relationship" would be just like I mentioned earlier(met on social media->met in real life->become stranger) but there was something else that made me hanged on to KI even after the meeting. I enjoyed talking to KI just like I enjoy talking with my real life friends. KI probably don't know this but unconsciously KI has become one of the prominent person in my life.
After the meeting we still communicate with each other. Of course, the message is always from me because I guess I'm the only side that wants to maintain our friendship. I like KI as a friend, as a partner, and as a consultant. To say all this towards a person whom I only met once in real life is totally absurd and guess what i probably am really insane. I told KI most of things that I told to my friend simply because I enjoy reporting things to KI until at one point I could feel KI is distancing from me or probably KI is really busy. That is what KI told me. I asked KI once or more if I am a nuisance and KI said no. KI even apologized to me for making me feeling that way. 「I am just a bit busy with my study lately.」<-this was what KI told me. Don't you think KI is such a nice person? I do, tho.
Due to that, I told KI to stop replying my text because I want KI to focus on studies and as long as KI keeps on replying my text, i find it really hard to refrain myself from replying even a simple 「Thank you」or「OK」and as expected KI stopped replying my text. It has been a week and I felt like my life has started to move as slow as it can be.
Compared to before, i still have the urge to text KI but knowing that would be a nuisance to KI I refrain myself from doing so. I try to move on by busying myself doing things like creating videos(which I never had done before) and create a new blog beside this one. If KI ever realises what I have been doing, I want KI to know that with or without the presence of KI, I'm doing good as ever.
Time surely plays its role as I could slowly moving on from KI but today was totally a different story. KI appeared on my dream and even if it's just a dream I could literally feel that I was so happy to meet KI. In that dream I smiled at KI and KI smiled back at me and I started telling KI stories/things that has been going on in my life.
A dream remains a dream and as I woke up from the sleep, i found myself trying to sleep again. I ended up sleeping for another extra one hour due to that and of course KI no longer appeared in my dream after that. *sigh* I don't know if this is purely a coincidence or a hidden message from Lord but this whole thing ain't funny at all. To Lord that listens to everything, i know i asked too much but that is because I have nowhere else to go and no place to turn to when I have wishes. Dear Lord, if KI misses me too, even the probability of KI missing me is 0.00000001%, please make KI text me because I won't text KI first anymore.
The end
I expected this story to be sort of melancholic story but it didn't turn out that way since I was writing freely. Due to that the plot/storyline becomes a bit twisted. I have many things to say but I couldn't say those out loud because I'm scared of hurting others and I dislike making others feel uncomfortable around me. I'm not sad but I'm not happy. I'm tired of continuing but I don't feel like stopping either. Are these feelings normal? I just don't know how to be normal anymore. Probably I never am.
JINN
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