I Wonder Why

I wonder why life is so complicated.
I wonder why people are complicated and hard to understand.
I wonder why there are so many killings and unjust decisions.
I wonder why feelings fade.
I wonder why things that used to give us pleasure and happiness, now not so much.
I wonder why sometimes we just feel lost, out of place.

And the most important part, I wonder why I wonder so much.

Curiosity kills the cat? Yup, definitely kills it.

They say don't question so much.
They say don't wonder too much.
They say don't think too much. 

When all that human has ever done is questions, wonders and thinks.

There are too many things that have been circling my head, making me dizzy and somewhat making me wanna puke. Well, not literally.

But then, there are days when I'm just simply too lazy to think, to wonder and to question. I'm tired. Tired of everything, tired of this endless cycle and tired of repetition that goes out of nowhere for now but will do for later.

What's the point of trying hard? What's the purpose of giving our best? What's the importance of having everything in place, in order? What are we exactly doing here actually?

Why?
And why?

At this point, I'm just so disappointed with myself.
I want to work hard, but I just don't feel like to.
I want to do my task early but then myself forbids me.
I want to go out and.. I don't know. I no longer wanna go out.

I enjoy being alone but at the same time I hate being alone. How is that possible?
I don't know and for now, I just don't feel like knowing.

I have lost. Lost in the wonders that I created. I wanna go far. So far that I was not found. I don't want to be lost forever because the word "forever" itself makes my blood run cold. Forever has never been my favourite word. Not now, maybe not later too.

For me, it's better to have period, to have space because all this while, me, you and everyone, the only reason why we strive so much, we work hard so much, that is because there are period and limitation. Infinity doesn't solve everything, time does. Limitation does.

JINN