Unexpected friend

Hello guys.

So today I feel like to talk about a short trip to Momochi Seaside Park to watch Hanabi(firework). I went there last Thursday(8/8/2019). That day I was feeling blue and under the weather. Probably because it was exam period and I didn't really talk to my friends because everyone was busy with exam preparation, my inner demons eventually took over me. Everyone finished their exam on Wednesday but because I took extra subject, my exam finished on Thursday. On Thursday night, I had an episode of last paper syndrome(I bet you guys are familiar with that right?) In case you aren't familiar with last paper syndrome, Last Paper Syndrome or LPS, defined by Syahmi Sazali, is a mental distraction for those who are having their last paper but already have the feeling of starting their holiday early and not studying at all.[1] I have a final paper the next day but I didn't study at all. I slept early that night and I woke up around 6 smtg. After I woke up, instead of studying, I decided to do some research on interesting places or events at Fukuoka. I did the research for about an hour before I decided that I want to watch Hanabi. It was a crazy plan actually because the Hanabi was scheduled on 8/8/2019 at 7.30pm at Momochi Seaside Park. Momochi Seaside Park is located about 39km from my place and it took about 2 hours ++ by public transport. The best part was, I had class until 5pm. Well not 5pm actually but if I could finish the task early, I can go out by 5pm. After I had some discussion with my colleague about whether to go or not I finally decided to go. I asked someone if he/she was interested to go or not but he/she said [I'm not going]. Finally, I decided to go to Momochi despite having no friends to go with, despite the fact that I had never been to the place before and I'm bad with following directions. I was scared, anxious, disappointed, all feelings mixture together but I was determined to go. I'm tired, exhausted. I wanted some escapism even if it was just a moment, to give me some strength to regain back by myself, my consciousness, coz that day, I wasn't really me. In real life if you meet me face to face on that day, you probably see me as the usual me but deep inside I was shaking, I was falling apart and my heart shattered like glasses falling gradually on the clear floor. It is easy to put mask in front of everyone but it was tough when you are alone because there is no point of wearing mask in the first place. You can lie people, but you don't lie to yourself.

That day, I went to school with facial mask. The first reason was I didn't wear sunscreen and the second reason was I wanted to hide myself but at the same time I still want to meet people. After I arrived at school around 12.40pm, I went to Coop to buy school bus ticket. During that time, I still didn't buy the hanabi ticket yet. I had my exam at 2.55pm and it lasted until 3.40pm. Next, I went to GCL(Global Communication Lounge) to meet someone, simply because I just want to talk. I met Kenta and I told him I was riding the school bus today because I'm going to watch Hanabi at Momochi. His first reaction was [you're going with him/her?] I said no, I'm going alone. He was worried and he asked if I was okay going there alone and I said no but I'm still going coz I wanted to watch Hanabi. Around 4pm, I left GCL as I had final class to attend. I attended the final class and I finished my task as soon as possible and I left the class at 5pm. I rode the school bus at 5.20pm and suddenly while I was sitting in the school bus waiting for others to ride in, I saw Kenta was riding the same school bus as I was. He sat behind me. I told him, I was scared. I was literally scared but if I didn't go, I probably gonna be in worse condition than I already was during that time. Escapism. That's all I need. I want to get away from this place, from the usual road that I used to take, away from everything that I used to see. We finally arrived at the train station and before I entered the station, I told Kenta I was going to charge my card and we bid goodbye as he entered the station first. After I charged my card, I entered the station and saw Kenta was waiting for me. He asked me finally if I was okay and I said no but I'm still going. We'll never know if we don't go, I said. We bid our actual goodbyes.

While waiting for the train and while I was sitting in the train, I did some self reflection. I looked around, I observed the people and I wondered what kind of life they were having. They looked tired and bored. same cycle kills excitement, that was what I thought. Not long after, I received a line from Kazuki telling me that he heard from Kenta I was going to watch Hanabi. He asked me if I want to go with him since he was at Tenjin. That time, it felt like waking up from a deep meaningless sleep and I agreed on the spot. To cut the story short, we didn't watch the firework together. I got lost and his bus was not on time as there were too many people going on the same direction. Besides, it was raining and I only got to watch the firework alone only for few moments. Despite that, I was happy that I could still watch the firework under the rain. I was soaked but I didn't care that much coz, I just want to watch the firework which eventually ended due to the rain. Kazuki contacted me few times but because there were too many people on that place, the connection became too slow and I couldn't go to his place and he couldn't go to my place. He eventually came with a clear umbrella and that time, the firework had just completely stopped. He told me he didn't get to watch the firework, coz he was busy buying the umbrella. I felt bad about it coz I got to watch the firework even though it was only a little bit. He was thoughtful coz he let me share the umbrella with him. The rain wasn't too heavy and I didn't really mind getting wet on the rain but he still put the umbrella on me. If I could say this without sounding like I have a crush on him, he made my day. He and Kenta literally made my day on that dark day. I'd never thought that Kenta would be worry about me and tried to do something and I'd never thought that Kazuki would agreed to Kenta to accompany me to Momochi.

Later on, Kazuki invited me for dinner coz both of us were hungry. We planned to eat at Momochi but since it was already 9pm and shops were closing, we had no choice but to return back to Hakata. I was grateful and lucky that Kazuki was there because without him, I probably didn't come back home that night. Despite following Google map, it was so hard to determine which bus to ride, which stop to wait, which junction to crossover but because he was there, I just let him lead the way. We arrived at Hakata about 30 mins later and we decided to eat Udon. I ordered Prawn Tempura Udon and he ordered Beef Udon(if I'm not mistaken). Then, we walked from Hakata bus station to Hakata train station. We decided to ride a train which was scheduled at 10.26pm. The journey took about 1 hour ++ from Hakata to Iizuka. We arrived at Iizuka around 11 smtg. He came to the station by bicycle while I came to the station by school bus. I told him I wanted to walk and he asked me to hold his umbrella. He told me to go first. I asked him if I should go to the left or to the right and he told me to go to the right. I was confused because the last time I went back home at night with my seniors, I went to the left. I slowed my pace and he eventually caught up with me. It turned out that whether you go to the left or the right, it'll still lead to the same road eventually but because it was night, I couldn't recall the road correctly. I thought he was going to leave me somewhere and rode his bicycle back home but he eventually walked me until I arrived in front of my apartment. It took about 40-50mins by walking from train station to my home. Deep inside me, I was praying that he won't leave me somewhere to walk alone but as if he understood my concern, he didn't say anything but still walked me home. He told me few times that he was sleepy but I couldn't bring myself to say [you can walk me until here only] because I wanted him to walk with me until I arrived home. I went back home at night from university often and the path that we often used are literally the same but I'd never walk home at night alone. Usually I would ride bicycle but because I left my bicycle at university, I decided to take the bicycle the next day.

To Kazuki and Kenta,
If you are reading this, thank you.
I really really appreciate your kind thoughts.
I love you guys so much <3 <3
Thank you for being there at my lowest point
although you guys probably didn't mean to be there.
ありがとう！
めっちゃ感動した。その時、九州へ来てよかった。
君たちはずっと私のそばにいることができないと思うけど、
それでも私の人生に君たちがいるのが神様に感謝しております。

JINN

Reference

[1]http://tenacitytopurpose.blogspot.com/2017/09/last-paper-syndrome.html?m=1